Over Ponder

There's a crewmember on the boat right now who has said more than once that her plans were snarled because she was basically waiting for information she did not get, like me going out of my way to find her after her workday was over to tell her it was mealtime. I said "So did you go ahead and ASK for the information?" But it's no, no, they were supposed to come to ME! There's another crew who isn't very aware of the needs of others yet when he is frustrated, acts out or shuts down completely, without communicating anything. Of course people are supposed to come to HIM to inquire about what's going on. What I see is self-righteousness, and the desire to blame others for their problems, and it gives me some anxiety. I've always felt I play a huge part in what ends up happening to me, while others can often feel they are at the mercy of the universe. Victims. For me, though, the worst part is that I judge people like this according to my "big picture," calling them self-righteous, blaming, uncommunicative and victims. If it's happened more than once, I never treat the similar incidents with that individual as though the incidents "stand alone." I always admired my great friend Polly's ability to think of each incident as a one-time thing, even though so many other things in that person's life lent itself to what I thought was a general Victim picture.

Luckily, on tall ships, we're all too damn busy to ponder this stuff for too long.

1 comment:

  1. So often I see crewmembers being treated like children, so they end up like acting like them. I don't just mean the fresh-out-of-high-school crowd, either, but mothers with grown children and ABs with decades of experience. I'm not sure if the paternalism I so often see from captains and shipowners is the result of that or the cause. It probably goes back centuries, though. That and the close quarters on board ship magnifies every drama, irritation, and personal tic. I wish I was more like your friend Polly, too; I forget to take a deep breath and count to ten more often than I'd like.